Sunday, August 19, 2007

Why Not Jellylorum?

My kitten is at a very impressionable age. I'm trying to be a good yet strict mother, mainly because my two other pets turned out to be little motherfuckers and that was most definitely my fault. I always ensure she is fed at the same times and is in bed by 10pm, because as SuperNanny taught me, routine is essential.

We've had a few problems with sock stealing, moss collecting, plastic bag hoarding and eating Pedigree Chum when the dog's back was turned, but all in all it was going well. But now, I fear, she has fallen into bad company.

A new cat showed up on the street a few weeks back. This caused quite a stir amongst the neighbourhood as most of us have cats and they stick to their own patch, meeting up occassionally to share, I dunno, cat gossip? But this cat clearly flouted the unspoken lore and swaggered willynilly all over the damn shop. Upon seeing him taking a piss in our raspberry stalks, Dad quickly deemed him to be villainous and named him Macavity. I gave him a second chance and decided he was more pirate-like, christening him Captain Jack.

Well, Captain Jack looks like he's lived some lives. He has one ear, half a tail and a limp. He gives off the vibe of having been in 'Nam. Like he was captured and tortured by the Vietcong, made his escape using only wit, cunning and the corpse of a fallen comrade and has never spoken of his ordeal to a living soul since - only to the ghosts of the Song Thrushes he's killed that plague his every waking moment. That, or he got hit by a car. Either way, he's fucking hardcore. He also looks like he might drink...and smoke. Crack.

And this is whom my precious has decided to admire. She watches him in awe as he slinks along the back fence, marvels as he pelts up the plum tree. What can I do? I suppose at some point you just have to stand back and let your kids make their own mistakes. But that's exactly where it went wrong with the Shih Tzu.

3 comments:

Born Worrier said...

The attraction of the lovable rogue. Check with the police, I bet he has an ASBO as well. I blame his parents myself.

just me said...

my cat is a motherfucker as well. We treat her so nice, and she rewards us by jumping out in the pitch dark and hooking her claws onto our legs.

Muffy St Jacques said...

I have yet to track his parents. Stern words need to be had.

I think cats are generally mutherfuckers. They can get away with it like dogs can't.